I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize