hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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