I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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