What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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