Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
