You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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