Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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