Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
