My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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