thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
