she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
