So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
