I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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