Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
