My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
