turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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