im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
