i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
