he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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