when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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