Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
