I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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