did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
