Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think i have two assholes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
