If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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