Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
