Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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