I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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