He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
