Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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