I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
