So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
