I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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