I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
