brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
