I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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