There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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