Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
