You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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