i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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