mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
