I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
