My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
