D3 body, D1 cock
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
