Whod you bang
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
