Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
