I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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