she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
