I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
