last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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