You're so nebulous sometimes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
