Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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