They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
