ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
