yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize