Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
