don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
