we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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