Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
