Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
love makes seman taste better
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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