I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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