Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
