I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
