sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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