I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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