So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
