just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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