I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
