Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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