She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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